Can a Funeral Be “Festive”?

Melinda Gipson | January, 2026

Why do you think they call it a “wake”? 

While a bit tongue-in-cheek, we raise the question because the original concept of an Irish “wake” actually was structured to include loud music and storytelling. Why? Soe accounts say it was to make sure, in a time before modern medicine, that the departed was truly deceased and couldn’t be roused to join the merriment!

While undocumented, the origin of a pre-official vigil where loved ones gather around the family to share food and stories reliably can be traced back to ancient Celtic, pre-Christian traditions. The watchfulness that characterizes this ceremony still conveys the sentiment that both that family and friends need to come to terms with the fact of the loved one’s absence. Even in pagan times, there was a sense that the deceased have embarked on a new, spiritual journey separating them from the lives they once knew.

But what’s key in either planning or participating in a funeral is empathy, and acknowledgement of the need for all who loved the departed to express their own feelings in their own way. Taking your own cue from the family is key. 

If the invitation is styled as a “celebration of life,” the family or congregation may specify that dark clothing isn’t preferred. Paying tribute to someone can even reflect the celebrant’s favorite colors. In a traditional setting, the celebrant’s sense of style and decorum typically will prevail. One of our most memorable memorials featured only the departed’s homemade quilts for décor, with the added touch that families were gifted one each to take home as a keepsake. 

When younger people die unexpectedly, sensitivity must be particularly keen. Funerals that succeed in helping to provide comfort and closure demonstrate love and support in a variety of ways. In the recent passing of a high-school sports star who’d been diagnosed with cancer, his mom went out of her way to include his teammates in procuring a purple casket, representative of the school’s colors. 

All of the U.S. was inspired by the camaraderie expressed by the American Olympic Hockey Team that commemorated Johnny Gaudreau, who had died the year previous, by displaying his number 13 jersey in the locker room and at the gold medal celebration. 

The one thing NOT to express? “I know exactly how you feel.” Such a thing is impossible, regardless of how similar one’s personal experiences of loss may seem. Ask instead, “What do you need?” Or “How may I help?” For Clozure members, you can always check the person’s memorial page for cues our families can provide for how people can express that they care.